Divine Judgement on These Wonderful Memories!
by FrankerPhil
Summary: When Kazuma says that he's become luckier than Lady Eris, he suddenly loses his memory... Spoilers for pretty much all of KonoSuba
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

* * *

"Say, Kazuma. Isn't it about time we took our relationship to the next level?"

I awoke to the sight of a certain crimson-eyed mage, lying next to me.

"Megumin, what exactly are you doing in my bed? Ah, don't tell me you've come to do perverted stuff while I was asleep... How will I ever marry now?"

"If it was like that, I would take responsibilty."

This demon said with a sly smile, something that could make any man become senseless. Not to worry however, I was completely immune to the charm status after a visit to a certain café.

"Moving on," as I said that I could see her eyes become downtrot, "what exactly do you mean by the next level?"

"Well that is..."

Wait, don't tell me this explosion maniac is actually trying to make a move on me?

"I was thinking..."

I gulped as my mind started to race.

"We could finally become..."

"Adults? Such a lewd loli..."

Suddenly Megumin's face lit up, and she started stammering.

"W-what do you mean by loli? Ah, besides that I wasn't talking about something like that. I meant we could finally be lovers."

Right. This girl said that we were something between lovers and friends.

"I guess that means you don't mind telling Aqua and Darkness now then?"

"As expected, you catch on quickly Kazuma."

Stop sounding so sure when your face is red up to your ears...

"Well I suppose I don't mind. I already rejected Darkness, so she pretty much knows the situation anyway. I doubt that useless goddess would really care much anyway."

"Eh? When you put it like that, it doesn't sound like there is really a need to confess it."

Seems like she was the only one to not realize this. Now that I think about it, Aqua probably would run the news around town.

"Aqua wouldn't care, but she loves gossip, so I bet she would tell everyone in town."

"Right. But I think i'm prepared for that."

So, she really was determined.

"If its like that... how will we announce it?"

"Wouldn't we just say it straight?"

Ah, I see this loli has no clue how these things work. Leave it to me, after all I spent countless hours courting the finest ladies on a certain MMO. At least I think they were.

"No, no, no. Clearly we need something with a bang."

"Explosion? Understood!"

"Wait! Thats not what I meant!"

"No explosion? Thats a little," she started, blatantly disappointed.

"I was thinking we could," I smugly smiled, "you know, k-kiss or something..."

Even though I started well, my face became flush, and my voice raised a few octaves. It seemed like my bluff had succeeded however, as I saw Megumin's eyes shine brightly. Wait, eyes?

"Fu fu fu, very well then. Unlike a certain useless NEET, such things don't bother me in the slightest."

Oi, are you really insulting the person who you just decided to kiss in front of the party you've been travelling with for-

"Well then, let's go forth, Kazuma! This world very well may be destroyed as I announce my love."

"Eh? You mean we're doing it right now?"

Even with a visit to that café, my heart wasn't ready for this.

"Knowing you, you would just try to weasel out if I let you out of my sight."

"That may be so. But isn't this still too sudden!? I mean we've only talked about this just now!"

"Thats enough out of you! I've already decided!"

So its like this...

As we moved downstairs, Aqua was coddling Emperor Zell on the couch, and Darkness was preparing tea.

"Ah! You two are up early." Darkness noted

"Oh? Is Kazuma finally growing out of his hikiNEET phase? Fu fu fu."

This damn useless goddess, I swear one day i'll...

"That's right, in fact he has found a significant other!"

I heard something rustle outside, probably Yunyun...

"Sig-significant other? Bahahaha! Imagine Kazauma having something like that!"

"Oi, i'm not just gonna!"

But before I could finish, Megumin grabbed my face and pulled it towards hers.

Chu.

"Wait..."

"This is?"

"Atleast give me a warning first! I almost saw Lady Eris right there. Ah speaking of Lady Eris, I bet i'm even luckier than her right now."

"That is, don't use her name so lightly in front of an axis cultist!"

As Darkness focused on what I said right now, it seemed like Megumin had shut down completely.

"I have to agree with Darkness, Kazuma. Don't address my kohai so casually, else you'll recieve divine judgement."

Divine judgement, huh? Well even if that happened I wouldn't mind. After all I felt like a new man. Thats right, from this day onward the world would see a new Satou Kazuma! Ah, Megumin has really affected me.

After such an exciting morning, I visted Wiz and Vanir for my monthly payment. As I was coming home, I stumbled upon a certain silver haired thief.

"Yo, big boss, what are you doing here?"

"Assistant-kun, I heard something particularly interesting involving you today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"

She must've heard about me and Megumin from Aqua's loud mouth. We were already prepared for this however.

"Silence, huh?"

"Eh?"

"You said you were luckier than Lady Eris, no?"

"Oh you meant that? I thought you were talking about Megu-"

Wait, why did Chris just drag me into this alley? And what is that look on her face?

"You even forgot about saying it? That really does deserve divine judgement!"

She screamed and launched a roundhouse to my temple, wait isn't this really out of character for a goddess of all people!? Suddenly my sight grew black, and I faded off to sleep.

* * *

"zuma, Kazuma! If you're going to get so drunk you pass out, you could at least do it in my bed."

"B-beautiful."

"What are you saying all of a sudden? Even i'll get slightly embarassed if you say something like that out of nowhere. N-not that I mind or anything."

I locked eyes with this strange woman who was shaking me awake.

"Am I in heaven?"

"You're still half asleep? Seems I didn't shake you hard enough!"

Wait thats too hard! You're banging my head against the wall!

"Who even are you!? Have you been sent to kill me?"

"This isn't the time for jokes, Kazuma. You promised we would go on a date."

"I have a date with such a beauty? I must be really lucky!"

I don't know where I am, but I don't think it really mattered at this point.

"Judging from that reaction... You must have really forgotten, huh? Don't tell me you annoyed my second-in-command again..."

"Second-in-command?"

"*sigh* Let's get you to the guild for now."

As we were walking to this 'guild' I noticed people on the street would glance at me like I was some sort of wild animal. Maybe they were terrified of how strong I am. I bet I have a high reputation or a strong-sounding title like **Dragon Slayer**.

"Sorry, we don't have any quests at the moment."

Wait, isn't this supposed to be a guild? How could they not have any quests?

"No, we aren't here for quests. My partner seems to have gotten another bout of amnesia."

Looking around the guild, I felt a strange sense of nostalgia wash over me. It seems this place held a lot of important memories. Suddenly, a tough blonde adventurer approached me.

"Yo Kazuma, how about a round of drinks with your old buddy?"

"R-red..."

"Ah I guess you don't remember me, I even took the time to wear these old things"

"Red panties."

A dumbstruck look descended upon his face.

"You don't remember who I am, but you remember something so embarrassing!?"

My look shifted to a table where a blue haired girl and a blonde knight were seated. Something compelled me to go to them, but I was suddenly stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

"Seems like this isn't from Claire-san this time, Kazuma. As the effects wouldn't wipe your entire memory. Oh, could it be you still recognise our party?"

"Our party, you say? I was wondering why they seemed familliar."

I heard that same adventurer as before sigh and mutter something under his breath.

* * *

As I approached the table, the blue haired one looked up, sighed, and focused on some sort of figurine again. For some reason I really wanted to hit her on the head.

"You're so lucky Kazuma, if my memories got wiped I bet that there would be a lot of people who would take advantage of that and hehe~"

Oi, just what exactly is wrong with the people I know?

"Anyways Kazuma, we should take you up to speed on who we are. We live together after all."

"You're telling me I live with a harem of beautiful girls? My popularity phase is finally here!"

I almost cried.

"Well, I really can't believe you don't remember me."

Ah the red eyed loli spoke first.

"After all, I am your wife."

Eh?

The guild was unnaturally silent, I could tell even though this was my first time here.

"Just now, what did you say?"

"You're the one who proposed right? You should still have the ring in your pocket..."

I rummaged through my back pocket, and indeed, I felt a hard circular object. Pulling it out, gasps sounded out across the hall.

"Thats a ring befitting a noble, as expected of the billionaire adventurer!"

"To think that the day would finally come, and that Kazuma of all people would find love before me..."

Wait what were these people saying?

""""Congratulations!""""

I was really getting married to this girl?

"That ring, isn't that Prin- hng"

The lady knight tried to speak out but was stopped by the loli.

"I guess you and Megumin, really are the perfect match, Kazuma."

Ah, so my wife's name was Megumin...

"What kind of name is Megumin!?"

'Megumin' shot me an angry glare, but continued to explain.

"Early this morning, you proposed to me, with that very ring."

She rubbed her arms together in a too-cute-to-describe way.

"Honestly I was so overjoyed, that I didn't even know what to say."

"So that explains why you two were sucking face this morning."

I really wanted to tell blue hair to shut it.

"Well if it was like that, I suppose that explains why you used Lady Eris' name in vain."

Suddenly blue hair jumped up

"Ah, thats it!"

"""Hm?"""

Even I couldn't hide my curiosity.

"This must be divine judgement'"

""Ah!""

'Megumin' and the lady knight gasped.

"Even though I was really happy to hear it, you should apologise to Lady Eris. Maybe she'll appeal her judgement."

* * *

"I lost my memories because I said that I was luckier than some goddess!?"

"Well she is the _'goddess of luck'_ after all."

The knight explained.

There was suddenly murmering in the guild.

"So he gets hitched and doesn't even remember stripping me?"

"""Ah, me too!"""

Wait, just how unfaithful was I!? 'Megumin' would really marry someone like me?

""""We'll make him pay!""""

Suddenly a tingle ran down my spine. As I turned around, the women in the guild barely concealed their killing intent as they brandished weapons and some, their bare fists. I held my hand out and was about to beg them to stop...

"Ah, that stance..."

"Don't tell me he remembers _'Steal'_..."

"Why did you say that name!?"

Using the moment of confusion I brought out the strange card I was carrying and sure enough, _'Steal'_ was written there.

"Hehehe, this skill must be really powerful for you to all cower in fear!"

"Get down! He's going to use it!"

I closed my eyes, and shouted.

**_'Steal!'_**

Suddenly, I felt a soft fabric in my hands.

"Eh? Red panties?"

My body instictively knew what to do, I started vigorously rubbing them over my face while laughing maniacally.

"Kazuma... I would expect you to do that to the female adventurers..."

The silence in the air was overwhelming. As the blonde thug spoke out.

"But not your old pal, Dust!"

"You still wore them!?"

I vomited.

"To think I travelled with such a man."

"Wait Rin, this is a misunderstanding!"

"I never knew Dust-san was this kind of person..."

"Et tu, Yunyun!?"

'Megumin' and the rest of my party grabbed me and ran outside.

* * *

_End of Prologue_


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_:

_We Really Live in_

_ Such a Wondrous Mansion!_

* * *

**Outside the guild**

"Anyways, Kazuma. You still don't remember our names, huh?"

Ah, the lady knight spoke out.

"Knowing him, he's probably been calling me blue hair, and you something lewd."

"You think? Please don't disappoint me with some nickname like 'lady knight', I know you won't, Kazuma"

These two, are they mind readers or something!?

"What do you mean 'disappoint', it almost sounds like you want to be called something lewd!?"

"Yes, that's right."

...I don't know what to say.

"Well, Ms. Knight, who exactly are you?"

"Ms. Knight... bahahaha!"

"Oi, i'm definitely not calling her something lewd!"

"Forget her for now Kazuma, i'll explain exactly who I am. You see, Kazuma. I am actually..."

Oh, this sounds quite interesting. She even paused for dramatic effect!

"Darkness is a masochistic crusader who loves being hit by the enemy, but pretends that she only wants to protect us."

"Kuh... Megumin ruined my introduction, I was going to say that I was your mistress..."

"Well, that would imply he's unfaithful, and I couldn't have that."

"What about all the women that said i've stripped them?"

"Irrelevant."

So cold...

So the only one that's left is blue hair.

"Fu fu fu, looks like I have to reintroduce myself to my servant."

"Servant?"

"That's right, after all, i'm the great Aqua-sama!"

"Eh? Isn't Aqua a goddess?"

"So you still retained some memory of my greatness..."

I heard people talking about Aqua while me and 'Megumin' were walking earlier...

"You say that, but I didn't think a goddess would be giving off such a powerful aura."

"Fu fu fu, what kind of aura would that be?"

"You seem completely useless."

**_'God Blow!'_**

I unknowingly insulted a second goddess today.

* * *

As I came to, my hands and feet were chained to the posts of a large bed. Well, if I had to choose anyone who would do such a thing. Surely it would be Darkness, right?

"He's come to."

"Kazuma, you really chose a bad time to wake up..."

All I saw were blurry afterimages and a blinding light. As my eyes continued to adjust, I could only make out a blue figure.

"To think I would have to discipline my servant so soon."

Oi, if you really are a goddess, why are you saying things I would expect out of that crusader?

"I just hope it will be painless"

Wait, painless. Ah, 'Megumin' really just said painless right now.

"Painless!? Why would such a thing be mentioned!? What are you doing you useless goddess!?"

"Don't resist Kazuma! It will just make the clean up harder!"

"Clean up!?"

The bed was making an ungodly racket as I struggled. The chains were digging into my limbs and I could feel blood begin to trickle out.

"That looks really painful, i'm so jealous!"

Seriously what is wrong with everyone I know!?

* * *

"Satou Kazuma-san, right?"

Ah, who is this divine being before me?

"Yes, I am Kazuma."

"...hm"

Was that a slight giggle I just heard?

"Wait... could you be?"

"My name is Eris."

This is...

"You, you're the one who!"

"Please calm down Kazuma-san."

"Calm down!? I just got retired by my own party!"

"Well you should be used to it by now."

So, are all goddesses like this?

"Anyways, I am not the one who passed divine judgement."

"I see."

"You believe me? I thought that Kazuma-san of all people would be irrational."

"Oi, just what am I normally like?"

"Well that is... sexual assault is not a joke."

I did what!? To such a pure goddess?

Please return quickly memories, I prayed.

"Ah, I can hear your thoughts, when you pray at least."

"Couldn't you just send a message into my mind then?"

"I can, and I was going to..."

That useless goddess! I only met her today and she has already messed everything up!

"Its not your fault Lady Eris. Surely it must be the fault of that self-proclaimed senpai of yours!"

"Well that might be true, but I still would prefer you didn't say things like that about us goddesses"

"Oi! Kazuma! You should've had more than enough time to talk to Eris, now come back."

"No, I think i'll stay."

I instantly replied, which lead to a shocked face by Eris... I burned it into my mind.

"Stay, that is... It would be somewhat problematic for me Kazuma-san."

This is a true goddess huh?

"I understand, please forgive me Lady Eris."

"What's with the difference in treatment? I'm the senpai after all..."

"Like I would treat a useless goddess who just killed me a moment ago the same as I do Lady Eris!"

"To think you would say such things to the one resurrecting you..."

"I wouldn't have to be resurrected if not for you!"

Then the other two behind Aqua spoke up.

"I understand how you feel, Kazuma, but surely you wouldn't be able to pass on without regrets if you never got your memory back."

Darkness brought up a good point. That much i'll admit. But still!

"We still haven't held our wedding."

"Ok. I'm coming back."

"So quick! So this is how you deal with a lolicon NEET."

* * *

"So. Why am I still chained up?"

Say something at least...

"Well?"

I'm actually getting nervous now.

"Do you think its fine?"

"Probably."

What were these two thinking of? At this moment I was regretting bad mouthing that so called goddess. She ran off with a bottle of liquor. While crying something about how i'm a bully.

"Well, if its Darkness. I suppose I can share."

Lady Eris, please save me.

* * *

After a truly lucky escape, I was walking through town as the sun was turning orange in the evening.

"This breeze feels nice~"

I heard something scuttle behind me, pulling out my sword, I warned the potential threat.

"W-who's there? I-i'm not afraid or anything!"

They probably were quaking internally. Too scared to move.

"Oh, Kazuma-san!"

I heard a clap.

"Yes, I am Kazuma."

"What a strange occurance to meet you here."

No, it wasn't really all that strange was it? We were in town square after all.

"Sorry, i've recently lost my mind."

"Eh? But I thought Kazuma-san was always like that..."

Just who did this lady think she was?

"I've just noticed, but don't you have red eyes?"

"Oh! Did Megumin not tell you?"

Ah, so her name was really Megumin.

"We are Crimson Demons."

This surprisingly normal girl said something really scary just now didn't she?

"I see. Crimson Demons, huh?"

"That's right, we have a naturally high affinity to magic."

"So, is only Megumin a freak? You seem pretty normal..."

"Kazuma-san, you think i'm normal?"

Is this a flag?

"Well, out of all the people i've met so far, you seem like just a normal, young girl. Please tell me we're friends at least."

"F-friends? That is... if K-kazuma-san wants..."

She was really easy, huh?

"Anyways, my name is Yunyun-"

"I take it all back!"

* * *

Megumin eventually met up with us

"Is Darkness not with you? I can understand Aqua, but..."

"She had some urgent noble business to attend to."

Darkness was a noble? Wait, Darkness is a noble!? What kind of world is this?

"Well, what exactly do you want?"

"Isn't it obvious? We need to tell my parents about our marriage. Since Yunyun is already here, that makes this quicker."

"Marriage!? Kazuma-san and Megumin are!?"

Ignoring Yunyun's outburst just now. Wasn't she at the guild? I was thinking about our earlier conversation.

"Say, don't Crimson Demons have a high affinity to magic? Why would you need Yunyun."

"I would prefer to save my mana whenever something unnecessary comes up."

Yunyun calmed down and explained.

"Well Megumin can say something cool like that, but in reality she-"

Yunyun became silent after a glare from Megumin. Just how scary was my future wife!? How exactly did I feel about her anyway?

"Whats wrong, Kazuma? I've already explained the situation to Darkness, so it should all be fine. I think."

"Well, I think I want to learn a bit more about this town, so perhaps we could see your parents tomorrow?"

"Ah, i'll clear my schedule for tomorrow then, Kazuma-san!"

"Yunyun, you didn't actually have a schedule for tomorrow anyway, right? To think you would complain about me saying something cool."

"Wah! Megumin! Even I want to be cool sometimes..."

I interjected.

"Well, please be at ease around me, we're friends after all. I wouldn't feel right if you were to tiptoe around me all the time."

"Kazuma... You really want to experience **_'Explosion'_**, don't you?"

What was this sheer terror that ran through my spine? Would she really do such a thing?

* * *

After Yunyun ran off with tears in her eyes, both from Megumin's harsh words, and my words that were equally as kind. Me and Megumin were alone.

"Hey. Do we really need to hold hands?"

"Don't tell me you're embarassed?"

I definitely was.

"Megumin, I still don't know what I feel about you."

Wait, what did I just say?

"I see, perhaps once your memories return, then we'll go."

Saying that, she let go of my hand. Thats it. I've decided.

"No, I already said we'll go tomorrow."

I grabbed her hand rather forcefully, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Kazuma... you're actually taking the lead for once."

Oh no, she's creating this kind of enviroment...

"Sometimes, its nice, right?"

I said, scratching my cheek like a certain goddess. Megumin rested her head on my shoulder.

"Can we just stay like this for a while?"

This is coming really close to the point of no return...

"..."

"..zzz"

She fell asleep. Now that I think about it, we all lived together right? At least I heard that brought up in conversation before.

* * *

As I was debating whether to carry her bridal style, or a simple piggyback, Dust came up to me.

"Ka-zu-ma! Just what do you think you've done to me? I really don't think we can be friends after this!"

"That's fine."

"Eh? That easy, huh?"

I didn't have any memory of this guy besides those red panties after all.

"Oh, your soulmate has fallen asleep huh?"

Wow could he get any creepier? Is this what happens when your reputation hits rock bottom? When I get my memories back will I be like this too?

"Yo, Kazuma. I would prefer if you'd say something.

What the hell? Why would you say something like that to a NEET?

"Aha, I got it. You're so enraptured by that explosion maniac's face you're lost in love, huh?"

"First of all, you're definitely not a poet. Secondly, what's this about an 'explosion maniac?"

Hearing explosion, Megumin subconciously smiled...

"Oh right, you really did have your memory wiped. Well I suppose I can tell you, and forgive you for earlier."

"Hm?"

"That is, if you buy me a round of drinks!"

So that was his true goal all along.

"Before that, she needs someplace to sleep."

"Well, its pretty hard to miss your mansion."

Mansion? You don't mean..?

* * *

"So... big!"

As we neared the mansion, I kept hearing low groaning. I paid it no mind however, when I saw the size of the mansion. No wonder I was called the billionaire adventurer.

"Just now... wasn't there someone in that window?"

"Hey Kazuma, I won't get scared over some ghost story."

"Well, she looked rather young."

"What am I supposed to do with that knowledge?"

I thought a deviant like him would be going nuclear at the thought, but I suppose not.

By the way, I decided to carry Megumin bridal style.

"Ah, i'll wait outside so just do what you have to."

Leaving me with those words, I set out to find Megumin's room in this giant mansion.

* * *

Soon enough, Megumin woke up, saw how I carried her, then pretended to be asleep. She didn't realize I knew, but it made it much more awkward...

"Finally, why does this place have so many empty rooms?"

I slowly set Megumin on the bed. Then, I decided to tease her. I brushed her hair a little.

"Hey, Kazuma. What do you think you're doing?"

She spoke out too quick!

"Nothing."

"Hm, sounds suspicious."

Just then, she latched onto my arm. Dragging me into her bed with monstrous strength.

"Wait, I have something to do right now."

"I see. Kazuma gets me all worked up, only to stop at the critical moment. Such a tease."

This explosion crazed...

"Even if you say that, we should get some rest for tomorrow."

"I suppose you're right. Now crawl under the blanket."

Oh right, I never thought about that. I realized there was nothing to do but obey, and I slowly slipped under the covers.

Wait, isn't Dust waiting for me? I really should make an excuse.

"Actually, I forgot to give Dust a reason to go home."

Ah, that was just the truth.

"I see, so you came here with Dust."

"That's right, so I should probably tell him to go home."

"Let him freeze to death."

Don't tell me...

"Isn't that just a little bit harsh?"

"Does it really matter? The only man I care about is you."

Although that makes me happy. I really can't just leave Dust out there alone, can I?

"No, I really should tell him to go on without me."

As I got up to leave, Megumin's fingers slowly wrapped around my hand.

"Oi, that's playing dirty."

Just as I was about to abandon Dust, I heard his voice.

"Hey, Kazuma... Why are there ghouls here!?"

As I rushed outside, I saw nothing...

"Dust, you wouldn't have happened to lie, would you?"

"Lie? I'm still waiting here, aren't I?"

I prayed that Lady Eris wouldn't be the kind to use telepathy for something so minor.

"Anyways, since you're here, that means its time for drinks."

* * *

I was surprised how quickly I forgot about Megumin, as I was on my third drink, feeling pretty tipsy...

"You really are the *hic* besht Kashuma!"

"I could shay the same about you, Dust!"

Suddenly someone pulled me outside, ah. It was Darkness.

"What do you think you're doing at thi-"

Oh, so this is what it feels like to pass out drunk.

* * *

**Author's Notes****:****I don't really know how these things are supposed to go, since this is my first story and all. I'll just summarize what I hope this story will be like:****I am planning 9 chapters in total, one main chapter for each day of the week, along with a prologue and epilogue.****This chapter turned out quite short, but I hope to have the next ones be longer.****Reviews would be greatly appreciated, as I hope to make this the best I can.**


	3. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2:_

_Sealing our Vows_

_in This Wonderful Village!_

* * *

As I came to, once again. My head felt a flurry of blows had landed upon it. It was like a blizzard was rampaging through my mind. To my left, I could see the curtains of a window fully illuminated, it must be around noon.

Outside the door, I could hear faint murmurs.

"So, he really is hopeless after all..."

Ah, that was Megumun.

"I don't really mind... I had no plans today. Helping a friend out is much more important!"

So Yunyun could be determined aswell.

"Please don't focus on his words so much. Look at it this way, not only did he abandon me to go off drinking. He also caused trouble for Darkness, in more ways than one."

I really couldn't argue that. However, why were they still outside my door? I got up, only to realize my shirt had been removed.

"That was a creak just now, wasn't it?"

So perceptive!

"Kazuma-san... If you're awake, then we should be on our way."

Wait, it wasn't just my shirt...

"You shouldn't give him time to respond. As you already know, he has a habit of targeting weak points."

I was the one who heard a creak this time, from the two girls who were about to open the door, and witness my glorious body.

"Wait!"

"Too late!"

With that, Megumin swung open the door.

"Goodbye, my innocence..."

"You could at least try to cover up! I don't mind, but what about Yunyun!?"

It was too late, I had already given up on protecting myself from this overly aggressive girl.

As the two girls stood there, I made no motion to cover up. Yunyun covered her face, but still stole glances through her fingers. Megumin, however, had invited herself in, walked past me, and was now rummaging through a closet.

"Seriously... Its like taking care of a child, did losing your memories, also make you lose your modesty?"

Saying that, she threw, rather forcefully, a simple outfit at me.

"Now cover your chunchunmaru."

Get out first! I wanted to say, but just then another wave of nausea hit me. I held my temple with my fingers, and fell backwards onto what was presumably my bed.

"What did Darkness do to me?" I asked with a rather meek voice.

"Am I going to have to dress you now?"

Please don't look at me like that. Ah, that goes for you too Yunyun, I thought she was normal, but hasn't she been staring for too long?

"Yes please."

"Even with your memories gone, you really don't change, do you?"

Megumin said something rude, but still had a faint smile on her lips.

"W-well, i'll be waiting outside, you two!"

She only spoke up now!? After getting her fill of my body? I bet she even burned the image of my 'chunchunmaru' into her retinas.

"Darkness brought me home, right? Why am I naked?"

"You wouldn't be, if you got dressed already. Unless you want me to do something?"

"Please, get out."

Megumin gave me a worried look, and with a tilt of her head, asked,

"Are you really alright? Just now I thought you fainted. Maybe Aqua should come heal you."

Was she enjoying this? Darkness couldn't say something, but everyone could look!?

"No, i'd rather just die than have anyone else see me like this."

"You're just putting on an act, aren't you? I can tell."

Why was she so observant today? She's right, I could barely feel my limbs.

"Darkness must have done something, and thought you wouldn't be here for it."

"No, she's already left."

She stripped me, drugged me and left? I thought she was a masochist...

"You just can't handle your alcohol."

Oh, was that the case?

"Even still! I shouldn't be naked!"

"I'll get Aqua, she doesn't care about you in the slightest, so you don't have to worry."

Was that supposed to put me at ease? Nothing I would say could stop her, however. Once again, I simply accepted my fate.

As she left, I tried to go over the previous night's events in my head.

* * *

**Town Square****, Last Night**

After leaving the mansion with Dust, he and I were headed to the guild for the second time that day.

"So, first of all. How much do you remember?"

How much? I was drawing a blank.

"Nothing."

He gave me a concerned look, even though he was a sexual deviant, I could tell he was a true friend, and as a true friend myself... I should tell him how creepy he was being.

"Please don't look at me like that, I feel like you're undressing me with your eyes."

"Kazuma! As if you haven't already ruined my good image enough today! I'm actually pretty worried, you know?"

"Sorry, it was just a joke."

"But if you really don't remember amything, how come you remembered 'that'?"

It was just a feeling I had. But should I really tell him that? I should probably say that he seemed like the kind of person who would wear something like that.

"It was just a feeling I had. No, I believe that image traumatized me so much, that it will forever remain in my unconscience."

"You were really into it at the time, though."

Really into it? I really hope he didn't mean what I was thinking. How could I ever look at my party, if that were the case!? As I was wondering if I was that kind of person before, we had arrived.

"Ah, we're here."

"I've been wondering for a while, but what exactly is this card?"

Without even glancing, Dust began explaining.

"Ah, that is your adventurer card, it shows thing like your skills, level, class, and stats. Now let's get some drinks."

"What is any of what you just said!?"

Before the words even reached his ears, Dust had flung open the doors, causing a barmaid who was sweeping the floor to go flying backwards. As she did a triple corkscrew, screeching like a firework, the whole guild, now tavern, turned to look at the comotion. Without a word, Dust pointed at me.

"It... it wasn't me!" I quickly tried to defuse the situation.

"Oh no! Kazuma has become angry with the way you all treated him earlier and is about to go on a rampage!"

Then, one of the patrons responded.

"You say that, but unlike him, your hand is stretched out."

"No! I tried to grab her, so she wouldn't be hurt! I'm a stand up guy!"

I guess Dust's reputation was now worse than mine after the morning's events.

"Putting that aside, Kazuma promised he would be paying for everyone's drinks tonight, after some convincing from yours truly of course.

Cheers erupted from the guild. Exclusively for me, I guess it wasn't all that bad. The people drinking had stormed over to where we were, trampling that poor lady.

"As expected of the billionaire adventurer, his kindness knows no bounds!"

"Kind, and handsome too!? This guy has it all! Forget about Megumin, and marry me."

Even the women had changed their opinion rather quickly.

"Wait! What about me!? Aren't I handsome too?"

Only one person responded to Dust's plea. A rather eccentric man. Before I could hear what he was about to say, a crowd had swept me off my feet.

I gave the lady at the counter a bag of money that I had in my pocket, and that was all I remembered. Maybe I could hear the rest later.

* * *

**My Room, Present**

Here I was, awaiting the death of my relationship with my party. There's no way I could ever recover from this shame. Ah, that word 'shame' just invoked something in me. Am I actually a masochist?

"Kazuma! I brought Aqua."

"Wait!"

"I already told you it didn't matter..."

Perhaps Megumin noticed the change in my tone of voice this time. As she didn't swing open the door.

"No, you really can't enter right now!"

"How am I supposed to heal you if I don't enter, Kazuma?"

Please read the mood! No wonder Lady Eris seems so much more like a goddess! It seems like Megumin caught on at least.

"Well, if he's like that, perhaps he needs my help first."

I could see where this was going...

"Eh? But I got out of bed just for this!"

"Please come in first Megumin."

I heard a slight turn of the knob, and I was silently praying for good fortune. As Megumin came into view, her eyes focused on the very strange portrusion coming from my lower half. It was covered by only a thin white sheet.

"Its like this, so please help relieve me."

I could see her face slowly fill with red. She didn't seem to reject the idea, however,

"Very well. Don't think you'll be able to stop me after I start, Kazuma."

I thought I had finally said something too embarassing for her to go through with...

"No wait, I wasn't being serious! Aqua is just outside the door, you know!?"

"Normally you would say something like 'that just makes it more exciting!'"

"What are you two doing in there? If i'm not needed, then i'll go nurture Zell."

Why are you abandoning me!?

"Its fine now, right Kazuma?"

"Wait! Aqua-sama please help me! I'm about to be violated!"

Just then, someone burst through the door, not Aqua, but...

"Megumin, cut it ou-"

Yunyun's eyes fell upon it too. Behind her, Aqua's eyes lit up.

"Oh?"

My one regret in life, was not dying at this exact moment. It seems like I had been forsaken by even the gods

* * *

After I died internally, and Aqua healed me, I was finally able to get dressed. To think that such a hangover cure existed, probably the only good thing this goddess was able to do.

"Just now you thought that curing hangovers was the only thing I was good for, didn't you?"

How can she be able to read my mind but not the mood. Speaking of mood, Yunyun kept shooting looks my way. I'm engaged, you know?

"Enough talk, we should be heading to our village now. Yunyun?"

I suppose they were only waiting for me.

"Actually, just go without me."

"What are you saying, Kazuma? You really think I can do that? After you got me so worked up last night, and this morning? I still haven't had any release. I plan to make you repay me in full tonight!"

"Saying something so bold! Megumin, you really have become an adult before me!"

I felt that Yunyun had gotten the wrong idea. Based on my conversation with Dust last night, Megumin probably meant something like...

"You mean with explosion, right?"

"Fu fu, of course."

As expected. Still, I did owe it to her. After the excitement had died down, we were finally out of the mansion. It seems like Aqua planned on tagging along.

"Do you really need to come, Aqua? I was hoping to have some time alone with Kazuma..."

This was the one time i'm glad that useless goddess couldn't read the mood. Megumin was far too aggressive for me at the moment.

"You two can do whatever you like, I only want to see Mary."

And so I was forsaken by this goddess also.

* * *

We walked for a good twenty minutes before Yunyun suddenly stated,

"I'll teleport us now. Please prepare yourselves."

At that moment, I heard an incredibly kind voice sound out.

"Ah, Kazuma-san!"

Turning around, I saw a well-endowed brunette chasing after me, it really was my popular phase, huh? I figured I should introduce myself.

"Yes-"

_'Teleport'_

"I am Kazuma."

"Introducing yourself right out of a teleport, as expected of an outsider. We should follow your example!"

As this strange man said that, there were people clamouring in the streets, screaming something about outsiders.

"I am Bukororri, a member of the Crimson Demon Defense Corps, you know that already, of course. Your introduction just lit a fire in my heart! How could I resist after such a cool introduction!?"

So all Crimson Demons were like this? I felt like I would regret saying this, but I probably should.

"Actually, I didn't know. I lost all my memories recently."

"Well, i'll be going on without you Kazuma, I should let my parents know the situation. Aqua, you can come too. As for you, Yunyun, you can just stand here until we're ready to leave."

The streets were suddenly empty, until those citizens came back wearing robes. Bukororri had a glazed over look in his eyes. Yunyun was on the verge of tears, and I felt like I had just made an even bigger mistake than this morning.

"Everyone! Kazuma has lost his memories! Please reintroduce yourselves!"

As he shouted that, I could see glowing red eyes fall upon me from every direction. Is this what cornered prey felt like? This was going to take a while._.._

* * *

**Evening, Crimson Demon Village**

After many introductions, I was finally freed by Megumin coming back to get me. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or even more terrified. Just what would she tell her family?

"Say, Megumin?"

"Yes, **Darling**?"

I really didn't like where this was going.

""Darling", isn't that a bit much?"

"Don't be silly, its only to be expected in this situation."

I had pulled out the ring and was fumbling it in anticipation. More than meeting her parents for the first time, I was also telling them I was marrying their daughter!?

"Say, have I met your parents yet?"

"Of course."

Well that somewhat alleviated my fear, but now I still had the whole marriage fiasco to deal with!

"Ah, we're almost there, see that house there?"

She pointed towards a rundown shack.

"How... modest?"

"Please pay it no mind. After all, my parents will probably move into the mansion with us."

Just what did she decide on her own!? Her parents are going to be ruining my harem house? I won't accept it!

"Are you ready?"

Like I would ever be ready for this!

"Just get it over with..."

"You really shouldn't be so complacent, it will leave a bad impression, darling."

Again with that nickname. But, I steeled myself and knocked on the door. It soon opened up and I closed my eyes. Did a bow, and saw,

"Onii-chan!"

My heart just skipped a beat, am I really a lolicon!?

"Komekko! Daddy is not feeling so well right now, so you should lay off the jokes for a bit."

Wait, did she just say daddy? We had a daughter!?

"To think you would have my daughter call you "daddy" right in front of her own father..."

Just now I felt the same tingles as when the women in the guild were prepared to beat me senseless.

"I'm really sorry sir!"

_'Sleep'_

The stern looking man, who called himself Megumin's father just crumpled like a paper bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a very traditional housewife appear.

"Oh my, it seems like your father had gotten himself so worked up, that his heart failed."

Should you really be so calm if that was the case!? Komekko, our supposed daughter had ran out back. I was left with these two overly aggressive women. I was definitely not a meager man, but I couldn't get a word in with these two.

"You should really be more assertive, darling."

"Oh, so you have advanced to that stage already? As expected of my daughter!"

No, I feel like I am actually quite meager now. Almost immediately, the housewife had noticed the object in my hand.

"Oh! Such a pretty ring, I could almost mistake it for the princess's!"

Its really happening, huh? I pretty much just shut down as she said that. Their words were jumbled, and mixed together in a stew of noise. I couldn't follow the conversation at all.

"Kazuma."

Megumin just said my name, and nudged me towards her mother.

"Megumin already told us about your little ailment. I am Yuiyui. Megumin's mother, and you have my full blessing."

"Thank you, ma'am."

That felt really out of character for me right now. I guess that happens when your body goes on autopilot.

"That man down there on the floor is my husband, and the number one potion maker of the Crimson Demons, Hyoizaburoo. You don't need to remember him."

Actually, I think I do. Now how do I get out of this situation?

"Mom, me and Kazuma were about to go on a date."

Now, how do I stay in this situation?

"I think I need a breath of fresh air!"

I said and ran out back. When I opened the door, a beautiful, almost divine being was in front of me, and Aqua was there too.

"Ah, adventurer-san!"

She said such a thing. I couldn't help but approach her.

"Hey Kazuma, don't even think about killing Mary."

Kill!? Why would I kill someone I just met? Wait, now that I look closer, Komekko was out here too.

"Please come closer adventurer-san"

"Gladly."

Komekko bit into Mary's roots. Wait...

"Agh! I'm sorry Lady Komekko!"

"Hey, Aqua, why does 'Mary' have roots!?"

"Oh right, you don't remember. She is a tranquility girl. A kind of plant that lets adventurers die in peace next to them."

Scary.

"Speaking of which, Kazuma. I forgot to ask you about your conversation with my kohai yesterday."

Oh, I never told anyone?

"Lady Eris told me that she didn't inflict divine judgement."

"Are you sure? I bet with all the followers she has recently, she has upgraded from goddess of luck, to goddess of plot devices."

Isn't that a plot device in itself?

"Do goddesses really just evolve like that?"

"Just think of all the reasons she's had to inflict divine judgement. I bet saying you were luckier than her was the tipping point. I mean, you always cause trouble for her by dying."

Wait, how many times have I died up to this point? Wouldn't it be your fault for resurrecting me every time?

"Not to mention, the recent stint with you obeying some random goddess."

Ah, can Lady Eris get jealous? Please get over your jealousy soon, I prayed.

'I most certainly am **not **jealous!'

Such a cute reaction, I would expect nothing less from a real goddess.

"No, she really didn't do it. After all, Lady Eris is a real goddess."

"Are you trying to say i'm a fake goddess?"

No, that wasn't my intent, but it isn't wrong, so I won't correct her.

"You didn't even object..."

She seemed a little sad, but i'm sure she'll get over it soon enough.

"Say, Kazuma."

"Hm?"

"I've known you the longest, so I can usually tell what you're thinking."

So that's why.

"You know, if you ever have problems, you can tell me about them."

Was I wrong in my judgement? I was actually feeling guilty now.

"That look on your face tells me everything I need to know."

She smiled, and I felt a warmth go to my heart. I let out an easy smile as well, perhaps I was being too rough on her. Maybe she was a real goddess after all.

"Everyone! Undead are storming the village! Something must have attracted them!"

That Bukororri guy screamed out, I wonder what could attract undead? Just now I noticed Aqua slightly jump.

"Aqua, do you know why undead would be attracted here?"

"N-not at all!"

It was totally her fault.

* * *

**Megumin****'s House, An hour later**

Megumin came up to me, probably for that date she was talking about earlier. Luckily I didn't have to participate in the extermination of undead, as all the Crimson Demons were well versed in high level magic.

"Kazuma, time for our date. I hope you'll live up to my expectations."

"Bye now, if you two get lost in the forest we won't look for you, so go wild, you hear?"

I don't know who to be more afraid of, the girl who can explode anything, or her mother. Megumin slowly wrapped her hand around mine, and a light blush appeared on her face.

"If you stay silent, you really are adorable."

"I still haven't cast _'explosion' _yet, so you should probably watch what you say."

Oh? So its fine as long as I say it after she casts explosion? As we approached the border of the village, Bukororri came up to us again.

"I should've known it would come to this."

Wait, did she not have permission to do this? Now that I think about it... why would she be so used to using explosion anyway?

"This is... to celebrate our wedding."

As she said that, she took the ring from me. I almost instinctively growled, 'my precious' for some reason. Anyways, it seemed like Bukororri just had a great shock.

"Kazuma, I thought you were a fellow NEET... maybe I should really try my luck with Soketto!"

There was a lot to get into there, so I just decided to ignore him.

"If you understand that, you should let us pass."

Wait, he was just lost in thought, why would you say something like that Megumin?

"Very well, as long as you promise to never do it again."

"Not a chance."

So quick! So blunt! My heart just fluttered. Not really.

"Well, as long as you don't do it tomorrow then."

"Ah, we're leaving tonight, or tomorrow."

I spoke up, trying to explain the situation.

"Very well then, you two shall pass. Just this once, consider it my wedding gift."

"The greatest gift you could give, is not being there."

Now that we had passed that obstacle, we were finally nearing the forest outside the Crimson Demon Village.

"You were really cool here, Kazuma."

Cool? By a Crimson Demon's standards, isn't that pretty high?

"Do go on."

She had a reminscent expression, clearly thinking of some epic moment I created.

"If only you were always like that, instead of only when you're drunk."

That really ruined the mood.

"So, where exactly are we going?"

"Here is fine."

I was finally going to experience explosion magic first-hand. Needless to say, I was slightly anxious.

"So what is explo-"

**_'EXPLOSION!'_**

A deafening boom sounded from deep within the forest.

"87 points."

I just scored it without a second thought...

"Fu fu, I see Kazuma still has his wits about him, at least when it comes to this."

I think Megumin said that, I couldn't really tell, since she had a face full of dirt. After that, I gave her a piggyback. During the walk home, I had a question about my adventurer card.

"Hey Kazuma. Now that I have gotten some release, I have something important to tell you."

Megumin said something like that, in a small voice.

"Is it about the wedding?"

"It is."

I see. So we really have to decide on this before I get my memories back.

"So, what is it."

"About the ring,"

Megumin had a stange look on her face. It almost made me think that she had been lying about our engagement.

"Hah!"

"What's so funny!? I'm serious!"

"No, just now I thought you might have lied about us being engaged,"

She jumped a little. But I continued

"But that wouldn't make any sense. I mean you don't seem like the kind of girl who would say something so important in front of pretty much the whole town. Only to later say, it was all a joke."

"That is..."

Ah, I interrupted her.

"What were you saying about the ring, sorry, i'll listen this time."

"Well, about the ring... It wasn't meant for me."

What?

"You see, i'm the one who proposed to you!"

"Did I say yes?"

"You tell me."

She did say we were engaged, so the answer was probably 'yes'. I couldn't help but feel that such an answer would be unsatisfying.

"Megumin, it feels like you're forcing yourself to be around me."

"No, I!"

"I want to know the real Megumin."

That was what I honestly wished for.

"You say you don't mind this stuff, and that i'm teasing you. But is it really like that?"

"I-i'm scared."

Scared?

"I don't have a nice body like Darkness, and I haven't known you as long as Aqua. I feel that if I let up, i'll lose you."

I felt my back begin to become damp with tears. Just what have I done?

"Idiot."

"What are you saying!?"

"Like it would be like that. Just being here with you made me realize it."

"Huh?"

"I prefer the real Megumin, because I really love you. Please don't force yourself anymore, as even without memories, I can tell."

That's how it is.

"Kazuma..."

She sounded so distant in that moment.

"I would never do such a thing with Darkness, and Aqua never even crossed my mind."

"Yeah, I really love you too, Kazuma. I won't force myself anymore."

"Ah, I also had a question."

"What is it?"

The burning question on my mind,

"What is this adventurer card thing?"

Megumin started laughing.

"Hey! I'm being serious too! Oh, I just ruined the mood, didn't I?"

"I'm glad... because if you didn't, i'd have fallen even harder for you."

Saying such a thing, it made me feel like my head popped off my body...

"Well, please explain it to me."

After a short explanation, I was fully caught up.

"When we go on these dates, maybe you can tell me about my skills, that way we both get something out of it."

"I understand, but do you really want to keep doing this?"

Was she really still uneasy?

"I wouldn't prefer anyone else to teach me."

"Then I shall do my best!"

She then leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"What did we just talk about!? I would much rather you do it on the lips if you were still forcing yourself!"

"Alright, and i'm not forcing myself."

I can't believe that we were really going to kiss. It made me even more nervous than meeting her parents. Something about this just felt more 'real' if I had to describe it.

"Well, go ahead?"

"You should start it, after all, you're the one who told me to stop forcing myself."

Using my own words against me... As expected of a Crimson Demon. But after the mood was this great, I won't waste this chance.

"There won't be any interruptions?"

"No, now do it."

I set Megumin down, and propped her against a rock. Her eyes were glowing bright, obviously expecting something.

"I could easily get lost in your eyes."

She stopped talking... I looked down at her lips, they seemed to be quivering ever so slightly. Her eyes remained focused on mine. I slowly started moving my face forward, my heart pounding faster with each second I got closer to her face.

Our lips connected, and I think I understood why she would focus on explosion so much if it felt like this.

"64 points."

"Only 64!?"

"Its a passing grade, for explosion magic. Please try harder next time."

* * *

**Crimson Demon Village, Night**

The walk after that point was in complete silence. After we came back, Yunyun was nowhere to be found.

"Guess we'll have to stay the night."

Being around Megumin was far too awkward at the moment. So I dropped her off at her house, then tried to find a hotel. I soon stumbled upon an inn, but the name was a little worrying.

"Succubus Lingerie, huh?"

"Ah! Kazuma-san, are you lost?"

A wild Yunyun appeared. I wanted to tell her to teleport us back, but I don't think i'm able to talk to Megumin at the moment. Then it hit me, if we teleport seperately, then I wouldn't have to worry!

"No, actually. I was looking for you, Yunyun."

"Me!? But you already have Megumin!"

"We both know Megumin just doesn't cut it, you're the only one I can ask for this. Aren't we friends?"

Yunyun quickly fled, and I was left alone once again. For some reason I feel she really got the wrong idea. If its like this, then I suppose i'll just have to go to the inn.

"Hello! I would like to stay the night."

"Oh, Kazuma, funny seeing you here again."

Was that a talking set of armor? No, it couldn't be...

"I suppose I can let you borrow my room, I don't sleep since i'm a magical artifact after all."

I think i'm already dreaming.

* * *

Author's Notes:

**I'll be styling these like this from now on, so hopefully it looks a bit better than last time.**

**@Can'tcomeupwithanickname:** **I hope you enjoyed this chapter much more, as I really tried to include more description, and to make it flow better.**

**Overall, I will be putting these notes at the bottom now, so if you want to see my thoughts, please scroll down here first. After this, I won't be putting story spoilers in here.**

**Since this is the last time I can do it...**

**I'm hoping to move away from Megumin after this, and focus more on other characters. Even though I say that, i'll probably include a Megumin POV next chapter. Hopefully you all won't mind. The 'dates' between Megumin and Kazuma will always be from Kazuma's point of view.**

**I've also corrected some mistakes in the previous two chapters, but I still might go back and add some detail if it would improve them.**


End file.
